A Bone to Pick: Skinny Pants + Men

Okay, so I am seriously disturbed by this suddenly sickeningly mainstream trend of guys wearing skinny jeans/pants/jorts…whatever.

I borrowed this unfortunate picture from Dr. Jay's. It makes me want to vomit my dinner. And my lunch. And the delectable 6 margaritas I consumed a few days ago. Ew. Ew. and Ew.

I know that this has been going on for quite some time now, so forgive me if this sounds a bit dated, but I really wanna know: Who the hell’s idea was it for men to wear skinny pants?!

Besides the obviously wrong things about where a guys…stuff…is going in these way-too-tight pants (See above photo), there’s also the chicken legs factor, as well as the zero-ass factor. I’m sorry guys, nothing about this man-version of camel-toe with a man-wedgie makes me want to talk to you. (Russell Brand, Zac Efron, Pete Wentz…I’m talking to you…I’m amazed any of you have girlfriends/fiancees/wives with your too-tight pants)

Hello, you have no ass! And a wedgie, and I'm SO glad I can't see what's going on in the front.

And please allow me to elaborate on the no-ass thing because, let’s face it—your pants are so tight that they won’t go over your ass, so now you look like you have a wedgie, I can see everything going on in the front AND I can see your boxers, which is arguably worse than the guys who wear the huge MC Hammer pants halfway down their asses.

Now, I’m not saying that man skinny pants totally need to disappear off the face of the earth, because I’ve see a few guys wear them without looking like they’re vacuum-sealed into their bottoms. I just don’t understand what could be remotely comfortable about any of it.

That brings me to my next question–so these jeans are so tight, what on earth are you boys wearing underneath them? I mean I see boxers, but I don’t understand because God forbid you wear boxers, you’ll have lines in your shrink-wrap pants and they’ll probably creep up…so briefs? I don’t know. Do you wear man-thongs? Because I imagine briefs are not comfortable either, but you definitely can’t go commando, can you?

Whatever. I’m so grossed out. And I’m prompted to air my disgust by two men on the subway who needed skinny-jean rehab on my way home from work this evening.
Ew. I was even going to include a picture of jorts in this post, but I became too disgusted just Googling for one, so I’ll spare you all.

However, I’ve got a few pairs of man skinny-jeans that won’t make you crazed young men look like you raided the girl’s junior’s department.

I can handle these. Not too tight, sitting at the waist, and I can't see the exact outline of your thighs. Phew! Enyce High Road Skinny Jeans $20.99 at Dr. Jays

These Levi's 511 Jeans are on thin ice in the crotch area, but other than that, they're okay in my book. $31.99-36.99 at Amazon (also available in 13 colors)

I might even go so far as to say "I like" these skinny Life/After/Denim grey cords from Revolve Clothing $88.00

So, I’m curious–guys, I want to hear from you: do you wear skinny jeans? Can you shed some light on this very strange trend for me?

Ladies: Does your guy wear skinny jeans? What do you think?

I’m still grossed out from that first picture.

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3 Responses to A Bone to Pick: Skinny Pants + Men

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention A Bone to Pick: Skinny Pants + Men | Shoes, Shirts & Other Sh!t -- Topsy.com

  2. Eric D. says:

    Tight pants (not necessarily skinny, usually flared) were a common item for men in the 70’s. Remember the BeeGees? Doctors warned that sperm quality could be seriously compromised. My experience is that older women still appreciate the view of men “who are packing” (incl. a flat tummy).

  3. Eric D. says:

    Seems more common than most people think… Check out: http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/men-in-womens-pants#!/photos/62807/1

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